Dear Special Needs Mama, You Are Not Alone - Hot & Sour Blog - The Adventures Of A Chinese-American Family | 9thwaveapparel

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Dear Special Needs Mama, You Are Not Alone

Guest post by Brynn Burger of The Mama On The Rocks

Momming is messy and hard no matter who your kids are. Even the most well-behaved and polite child will throw a tantrum eventually.

When you parent what I call “extreme children,” parenting goes from hard to nearly impossible. Even on our children’s best days, they have meltdowns. Even when they have a great morning, they may bring home a note about behavior at school. Even when they volunteer to help with dinner, they may lose their minds before bed.

Parenting children with behavioral and emotional special needs is unpredictable. More than any feeling my husband and I have felt over the last five years of living this life is paralyzing isolation.

Mama, I hear you crying on the bathroom floor, face tucked tightly into your knees and mouth into a hand towel in a desperate attempt for no one to know you’re losing it. I know how hard you’ve worked to keep it together since your little one woke up spitting and screaming; how you tried to remain calm, picking up the toys they slammed against the wall, and folding the stretched collars of shirts they’ve tugged and chewed on.

I have been on that bathroom floor. Last week was so long and so hard with our son’s behavior that I honestly didn’t know if I’d make it to the weekend. I was spit at, hit, had toys thrown at me, had pictures broken off of our walls, and spent no less than three nights without sleep. I cried more this week than I have in a while. We need each other.

Friend, you aren’t in this fight alone. If you hear only one thing, let it be this: reach out. Whether you comment here, email me, or text a friend, begin to build your village. These are the folks who will hold you up when your body parts are limp spaghetti noodles and you are all cried out. I feel you. I live this lonely, exhausting life too.

My little tribe of friends is my most important resource. Whether it is 3 am or noon, I can text them to vent. I have called them crying. I have texted them from that bathroom floor. I have sent memes that were questionable at best, but I knew they’d get it, and we laugh together. We laugh to overcome the tears.

These are the folks I found from a list of old friends and members of Facebook support groups. They are people I trust unconditionally because they aren’t just friends but they live the same life I do. They aren’t giving sympathetic comments hoping to comfort me. My tribe knows my struggles because they are also their own. Find your tribe and love them hard.

We are in this together.


Guest Blogger: Brynn is a wife, a mama, a writer, a teacher, and a lover of all things outdoors. I live tiny, love big, and laugh always. I write because it’s cheaper than therapy and everyone needs that funny girlfriend they can vent to at 3 am over nugget sauce-stained yoga pants and a box of wine. Seriously, you’re welcome!

Check out more on The Mama On The Rocks!

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